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Robert Douglas-Fairhurst reviews Unzipped: It is sometimes said that anyone who remembers the s wasn't there. Mention the s, though, and the survivors of that grimly go-getting decade are much easier to identify. Telltale signs include violent blushing, bewildered shaking of the head, and dark muttering about "eyeliner" or "Kajagoogoo".
I still have mornings when I wake up sweating at the memory of the clothes I wore. The red patent-leather shoes. The ambitious sequence of ever-baggier trousers. But what everyone remembers, no matter how old they were then, is how small they felt in a world where everything seemed to be getting bigger. Hair was teased up into structures not seen since the court of Louis XV. Businessmen already slumping under the weight of huge shoulder-pads found themselves toppling over as they answered a call from a mobile phone the size of a small suitcase.
And in New York, perfectly embodying the decade's obsessive interest in flash and flesh, there were the Chippendales, a troupe of brawny male strippers who entertained women every night with biceps like basketballs and posing-pouches that somehow appeared to be smaller than their contents. As the show's rollerskating Master of Ceremonies from to , David Henry Sterry was employed to make the Chippendales look good. An average-looking man, much of this could be done simply by standing on stage next to them, but he also made them look good by making them sound good — certainly better than they would have sounded if allowed to speak for themselves, given that some could barely walk and clap at the same time.
And ladies, it's no wonder, 'cuz he's gotta pair of pound baaaaaaaalls! One assumes that Dorothy Parker was not a script consultant. Still, Sterry seems to have been good at giving the punters what they wanted: What the Chippendales were selling, in other words, was not sex but a simulacrum of sex — a fantasy in which "The Ladies" were wooed by a succession of hunks who made them feel like a million dollars and only asked for 30 or 40 bucks in return.
One surprise of this memoir, therefore, is how many ladies from the audience came backstage in search of some more sustained flesh-pressing. The other surprise is how many were successful — not because of any assumption that strippers should be models of restraint, but because the camp nature of the show — in which the men pranced around pretending to be construction workers or in little more than a cowboy hat and a smile — might make one assume that they'd be more interested in each other.
The way Sterry tells it, the Chippendales were interested in nothing but money and women. Then again, most of them seem to have been so engorged and enraged by steroids that they could barely string two thoughts together, so one shouldn't assume they were good judges of what they were doing.
One scene, in which Sterry stumbles upon a snarlingly homophobic Chippendale tenderly giving his buddy's backside a steroids jab, would be enough to keep a psychiatrist busy for years. Sterry does not reflect on this for long, but then the book is written in such crackerjack fashion that it does not allow itself to reflect on much.
Even the murder of the Chippendales' founder, a man with a talent for choreography but a genius for making enemies, is passed over in a few quick paragraphs.
Sterry has an eye for a good phrase — describing the tipping part of the show, he says "a field of green sprouts from the crowd" — and a line in euphemisms for sex inventive enough to impress the most jaded reader.
I especially admired "wangdangdoodlehammer". But none of this prevents Sterry's style from sounding like the sort of thing you might get from a hyperactive year-old, full of stuttering synonyms "sad misery" and pumped-up stream-of-consciousness burble: The lights are too bright, synapses fire too fast: But perhaps it's wrong to expect anything more subtle.
Unzipped may not be a sophisticated analysis of the s, but in its fun, glossy, brittle way it perfectly captures the spirit of the age. Get the best at Telegraph Puzzles. A collection of the best contributions and reports from the Telegraph focussing on the key events, decisions and moments in Churchill's life. This book tells the story of the men and women of Fighter Command who worked tirelessly in air bases scattered throughout Britain to thwart the Nazis.
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